Stalemate
by fortheloveofgodineedanewone
Summary: Because ShigurexMayuko drabbles begged to be written.
1. the child and the adult

_drabbles about Shigure Sohma and Mayuko Shiraki._

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1.**  
**

** the child and the adult**

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The resigned look on her face bothered him.

Her longing for something that was out of her reach, and her way of accepting it without so much as a fight.  
He'd never tell her this,of course. Instead, he said, "Why don't you go out with me instead? You need someone on your side no matter who it is, right?"

He smirked, seeing the indecision on her face. "And I'm bored too."  
Strangely, that seemed to settle it for her. The fact that his reason for asking her out was boredom, not real interest. She accepted his offer as one would take receipts at a supermarket counter. He supposed it was a good thing she harbored no delusions of what was to be their relationship.

Yet, when he sees the longing and the loneliness in her eyes, he feels a strange kinship with her, and also a reinforcement of how very different she is from him.  
"Why did you never fight for Hatori?" he asked once, curiosity overwhelming him. He thinks he already knows the answer but nothing prepares him for the way she says it. "Don't be ridiculous. How can I win against Kana?"  
It amused him that she said it with no self pity or depreceation.  
Just a sad statement of fact.

_And I'm bored too._

That wasn't the complete truth of why he had asked her out, but that was for her to figure out, isn't it?

Shigure smiled.

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**read and review!**

i always wanted more scenes of them in the manga, but you can't always have what you want. of course the title of this drabble refers to them both. mayuko's unrequited feelings and the way she deals with them is similar to how hatori deals with his sadness after kana gets married. hatori believes an another woman would be a reckless wish, but shigure believes there would be more for hatori in life, the same way shigure deems mayuko being unwilling to do anything about her feelings as 'foolish'. so who is really a child? someone who is uncompromising about what he wants? is an adult someone who after being hurt, resigns themselves to whatever good they have in their lives? Fruits Basket makes you think along those lines, doesn't it? :D


	2. static

** 2. **

**static**

"Kana is quite adorable" He said,in a clinical manner. "But you are..more..shall I say, interesting?"  
For a moment, her heart stopped._ I suppose it is a little pathetic to assume there is something besides interesting company he wanted from me.  
_  
She couldn't help but feel a little lonely at the thought, and a little angry that she might want compliments or affirmation of her attractiveness from Shigure.  
He was still watching her. " But what I feel and what Ha-san would feel are different."

"Bastard" she whispered. As she thought, he enjoyed provoking her.

"You are a stubborn woman" he said. "With your persistent feelings for him.."  
For a moment, it almost sounded like he was annoyed, and looked outside as if a far away thought had struck him. "But I am the same."

For that one month she had dated him, she probably understood him better than any of the other girls he had dated. His unreadable expressions were a challenge she had never accepted. It was almost like a game, like he wanted her to catch him if she dared. She disliked his ability to read her as if she was an open book, and relished chances to see the superficial mask of his slip a little. As a result, he just became more elusive.  
Like ripples on water.

When she had gotten into a habit of grabbing onto his sleeve (most especially when she sees Hatori and Kana), he had ignored it for most of the time and made no response of his own. As if, by meeting her half way, they both would cross a line they both had drawn for themselves.  
When they were alone, he'd ask, with a typical smirk, as if he knew something about her, "What is it?"  
And she'd reply by letting go of his sleeve with a soft, "Nothing."  
It was at times likes this she realised while loving Hatori from a distance was painful enough, she had to thank her stars she never fell in love with Shigure.

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	3. vanity

**3.**

**vanity**

He doesn't think it is jealousy.  
His annoyance at her longing for Hatori.  
Definitely not jealousy. For one thing, he is not_ hurt_ by it.  
Merely irritated with it.  
He thinks it is his vanity.

So when she parts his hair, and tells him, innocently, "You look a little like Hatori this way."  
He looks at her long hair and her eyes, so very different from the woman he loved, and whispered, "Well, Mayu-chan, that isn't fair, is it?"  
He starts playing with her long hair, and finally tucked it behind her ear.  
She was very, very still.  
"What do you mean?" she was whispering too.  
They were nose to nose, and she was refusing to look anywhere but straight into his eyes. Not as a woman who would stare into a man's eyes in anticipation of his kiss, but merely as defiance.  
He nearly chuckled.  
She knows him well enough. _If you can catch me, give me your best shot._

_What do you mean?_  
Fair point.  
What did he mean? That it was unfair she was trying to look for Hatori in him? That it was unfair that she didn't look like_ her_ while he resembled Ha-san?  
He did think it was a good thing Mayu didn't resemble_ her_. Wasn't that why being with Mayu was so refreshing?

Yet, when he looks at her face close to his, he can only think of _that_ line.

He couldn't afford to have the line get distorted now. So he moved away. "As a boyfriend, that isn't good for the ego, you know?"  
"I didn't realise you had a concept of what is fair, Shigure" she retorted.  
"When it suits me, I have my concepts right, Mayu-chan" he said. "If only righteous people like you existed, world would be a pretty boring place ne?"  
"Bastard" she whispered, again.  
"That may be why you like me, eh, Mayu-chan?" he said.  
She got up and left the room.

He supposed it was his vanity that was pricked when she dumped him. Of course, he told people they 'broke up'. That suited his vanity, didn't it?

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read and review! :)


	4. ripples

**Dear Guest/anon**, If you leave anonymous reviews, I can't reply personally but I greatly appreciate your insightful review and am glad that they are written believably. Shigure is especially hard to nail down. Even by the end of the manga, I'm not sure I have gotten a complete insight on him.

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4.

**ripples**

It was a Sunday afternoon with Kana and her friends, although her friends didn't know it (and indeed Mayu herself wasn't supposed to know, but she was still in touch with her ex-boyfriend) Kana and Hatori were going to speak about their engagement to the head of the Sohma family and ask for permission to be married in the evening. To Mayuko, whose family was just her parents, the entire process seemed archaic.  
Which of course, when mentioned to Shigure as he rummaged her family bookstore, earned a twisted, bitter smile. "There are a lot of things in the Sohma family that are archaic."  
She wondered about that expression of his,it had surprised her to see it on Shigure's casual mask, when she was called back to her surroundings with Kana's, "Mayu-chan?"  
"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of about tomorrow's class.." she invented feebly.

"Mayu-chan? You and Sohma-san are not going out anymore?"  
It was one of Kana's friends, and Kana looked up, watching her face for a reaction. She thought she knew the reason behind Kana's inspection, but decided to look at Kana's friend instead who was squirming under her direct gaze. She was amused, and she wondered whether Shigure rubbed off on her when she asked, "Do you like him?"

"Well...I.." she stammered. "Well, Mayu-chan and Sohma-san just broke up..so I.."

"It is alright. I wouldn't mind if you ask him out" she smiled, brightly. "But..don't let his good looks fool you. I say this a warning to women. He is a bastard."  
She swilled her drink as Kana and her friend exchanged looks. She could almost predict the conversation that would follow after she leaves. Again, she felt it was Shigure rubbing off on her, but the contents of that conversation would probably amuse her.

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The day she had dumped him, he had laughed. "Glad to know it amuses you" she said, dryly.

"It is not me, it is you?" he said, still chuckling. "I knew there was a reason I found you interesting, Mayu-chan".  
"I relieved your boredom, didn't I?" she asked him. "This gives you freedom to relieve your boredom with other women."  
"You are pretty cold for an ex-girlfriend from only few minutes back. Wouldn't my being with other women bother you?"  
"You are an impossible guy to hold on to, Shigure." she said, quietly.  
He leaned forward. "You could, if you tried Mayu-chan. Maybe after 10 years when you forget about Ha-san,give me a call?"  
"Don't hold your breath for that call" she muttered.  
"Your biological clock is ticking, Mayu-chan. Don't you want to ease your parent's concern about your prospects?"  
"Your concern is unnecessary, Shigure, as the ex boyfriend from only few minutes back." she retorted.

She got up, sighing. This conversation would lead nowhere. "That is all I have to say."  
He caught her hand, tilted his head. It was an unusual quirk of his. She noticed that he did it when he was carefully considering what he was about to say, or not say and smile meaningfully instead. "Mayu-chan. I do mean it when I said you were interesting."  
She replied, "Thank you. And I pity the women who would want to tie you down."  
"Still with the barbs." he sweatdropped.  
"No" she knew she would regret telling him honestly about what she felt. Baring a soul to a guy like Shigure is foolishness and yet, she felt like she owed him that honesty, " You are like...ripples on water. But when I bend down to touch it, it disappears. Truthfully, this experience just made me feel lonely."  
He was silent for a moment, as if considering her thought carefully.  
Then he grinned. "Good analogy, Mayu-chan. Shall I use it in one of my novels?"

Whatever frustration she felt with his inability to take what she had said seriously, or just with his sadistic need to drive people up the wall, she was glad to know what she had learnt from the experience. Her feelings for Hatori was a fixture that wasn't going to go anytime soon, and it certainly wasn't going to go away by dating someone else. By relieving her loneliness like a cat desperately scratching a tree to sharpen its claws. She is going to have to live with it, and wrestle with it even if it got harder.

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And it got harder to the point it became unbearable when she heard Hatori and Kana are no longer engaged, and Kana has barely left her room. She didn't know what she felt when she saw Kana hollow eyed, something eating away at her sanity, repeating, "Hatori has lost his eye...it is my fault..it is my fault..I didn't protect.."

She held onto Kana, her aspiration , a lost child babbling incoherently about Hatori's eyes, and tried her best not to wail at her misery or theirs.

When she left Kana's side after Kana slept, she saw Shigure waiting for her outside Kana's room. She didn't know what Shigure saw in her face but he said with an unusually understanding expression, "I told you it wasn't a good idea to come here. Do you want to see Ha-san?"

She shook her head. That would be too much.

She stood still, processing what she had seen. They were supposed to be happy, happy and distant so that her hands would never have to reach them, and yet, even after she had no tie to whatever happened in the Sohma house, she felt more guilty about her secret feelings for Hatori. As if by having secret feelings for him, she wished this on the couple.

It didn't occur to her until days later that Shigure dropped her home, and didn't even playfully ask to come in, understanding her need to be left alone.

_Like ripples on water._

He was very quiet when accompanying her, and the only information he offered to her silent grief was, "Ha-san is planning to erase her memory. To release her from this pain."

She had nodded. Just like Hatori to think of what is best for Kana.

She had wanted to ask Shigure,_ But who is going to release him from his pain?_  
However, she didn't feel like speaking at that moment and let the silence between them fall back again. At her door, before he left, he had simply said, "Don't bottle it up, Mayuko."

She hadn't even registered his use of her name, nodded her head and closed the door.

_But when I bend down to touch it,_

When she thought of this, and reluctantly labeled it as far as kindness can be from a guy like Shigure, she decided to call him and thank him. When the phone began to ring, she wondered whether she had an ulterior motive for this. Was she trying to look for an escape in Shigure, use him as roadblock so that she doesn't run to Hatori's side like a selfish, disloyal friend?

The phone was picked up by a hysterical woman. "He is not here! He is not HERE! He ran away and he still has 500 pages left to finish in the manuscript! I want to DIE! I want to DIE! Sensei is not here and he is the face of evil-!"

Mayuko kept the phone.

_it disappears._

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_longer than a drabble. But it had to be. :D read and review!_


	5. foolishness

Dear **Guest, stripstripe,** thank you for the lovely reviews. I got back to this chapter after a long while and it will hopefully, still stick with the spirit of the fic. :)

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5.

**foolishness**

What had _she_ said? Unchanging reality, neverending banquet, eternal bonds.

The dream.

He couldn't help but be derisive about the naivety involved in that vision. Both his and hers. His dream, however has long been stripped of its romanticism and the accompanying delusions.

What had Mayu-chan said to her parents about him? It had made him laugh for days.

Oh yes.

"I am not going to marry him. He is just my ex boyfriend. If you want to marry a wolf with no sheep's clothing over his eyes, you are both free to do so."

And he had laughed. Laughed like when he was with Ayame or Hatori. The startled expression on her face when he smiled after his laughter died out was cute. He chose not to tell her that at that moment. Something like that should be said at inappropriate ones.

"I think about you, and only you...and that is the irrevocable truth" he could hear himself saying, one lazy Sunday afternoon in Shiraki bookstore as he flipped absently through pages of a dreadful novel. Mayu looked up from the set of books she was arranging and looked at his face. He wondered whether she caught the expression on his face, when she said quickly, "I don't remember reading that. Which book are you reading?"

The unease in her tone meant she had noticed.

Oh well.

He grinned, seizing the opportunity. "Chronicles of Mayu-chan's disappointed love. It has been two years and yet she remains, steadfastly loyal to a friend who has forgotten her love and a man who has found his happiness while she wastes away, pining like Shakespeare's Ophelia.."

"That's enough, Shigure" she said, irritably. "Do you want me to ban you from this store?"

"You can do that?" he asked her, raising his eyebrows to imply a challenge. "How, Mayu-chan?"

"You understand how a restraining order works, don't you?" she hissed.

"I understand, but isn't that a bit extreme?" he asked, lightly as he walked towards where she was seated. "Don't you feel stupid? Both of them have found their paths to happiness and _you_ are the one that hasn't let go. "

"What do you mean?" She turned to face him as he leaned down.

"You haven't seen Ha-san since then. It is the best evidence of your feelings."

She pursed her lips, in that angry way whenever he invaded her space and he could see her body stiffening as if she was being caged. She was so tightly wound within herself,and this is where he noticed that obstinacy she shared in common with _her_...and he felt a desperation, anger, and sardonic amusement bubbling within him all at once.  
_Of course I love her. I love her so much that I would spoil her, so much that I would happily trample her..._

Mayu was aware of his mercurial moods and expressions as she said softly, as if to take the pin out of the tension in the air, "So has he found happiness then?"

Shigure refused to move. He was pushing something, and although he was aware of the boundaries and the vague possibilities, he presented it as a reckless challenge. He smirked, choosing his words carefully, or not quite carefully at all. "With Satsuki. A bit like Kana. Cheerful, a little ditzy.."

She levelled her gaze with his. "I see" she said, a little wistfully. And Shigure felt relief and irritation at her resignation _again_ to how things were. He had to prove a point, push something because back at the Sohma's, he was getting dirtier and _dirtier_ and he was tired of it all..and if he was not aware of how unrepentant bastard he was, he would have moved forward when Mayu's palm touched the bare skin at the crook of his neck to push him away. Both she and he felt his heart give a start at her touch, and he wasn't really sure he wanted to question what it meant or whether or not it will distort his reality, but she pulled her hand back, flushed and went back to arranging books with remarkably deceptive composure. Shigure looked at her contemplatively as she walked to nearby shelves, ignoring his presence or acting as if she couldn't feel his gaze assessing her.

He would have kissed her back then, when she parted his hair and looked defiantly up at him but he didn't because she treated it as a game where he had to one-up her. He would have kissed her now, if she_ had_ treated it as game where she would challenge him by putting her hand where it was, watching and daring him to make a move. This time, however, she didn't and stepped back. Only her shaking fingers as she prised books off their shelves gave away the affect it had on her. "Well, how about you go out with me again?"

"No, thank you" she said, quickly. "I'll pass."

"Ah, Mayu-chan. I am not quite the evil reincarnate you imagine me to be, am I?" he pouted.

"That's not it" she told him, and the sincerity in her voice intrigued him as it amused him. "I'm not going to give into loneliness and date other people.."

_If I had not wandered around, I would have exploded.._

Her words painted a reflection and he said, with caustic edge to his voice, "That kind of thinking is called foolishness."

He shrugged, as he headed towards the door with books under his arm. "But it appears," he paused, " I happen to rather like foolish women."

"Thanks then" she replied, putting the books on the desk. "The book you ordered should arrive day after."

He sighed, watching his reality realign. _That_ woman has right after all, not about _her_ unchanging reality but certainly of his.

He had been selfish enough to try, but there were few people he was certainly fond of, and he would definitely enjoy seeing the furious look on Mayu-chan's face at his intervention. "I'll come and pick it up."

"Sure" Mayu said, tonelessly, her face smooth. He hid his grin as he walked out.

_"Oh, Ha-san. The entire stock of the book you wanted will be shipped to Shiraki bookstore tomorrow..."_

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_read and review! :)_


	6. je ne sais quoi

6.

** Je ne sais quoi  
**

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She looked at her reflection in the mirror. There was a flower stuck at the end of her short hair with hair pins. (whose idea was that?)  
A gauzy veil. A gown that emphasizes her height- her awkwardness,her collarbone juts out, her shoulders, she notes, are too angular. She couldn't play the part of the bride in her own wedding. Yet, there was a radiance in her face that even she thought could mask all her shortcomings.

_I am getting married to Ha-san._

He would be perfect. A handsome groom,waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She hoped she wouldn't make a mess of her make up when she starts bawling with emotion. It felt like a dream she needed to wake up from. How would she convince herself it is real?

"Well, well...who knew you could be stunning, Mayu-chan?" a familiar voice said from the doorway.  
She turned to see Shigure leaning against the frame, smiling at her. The same challenging smirk, curiously without the caustic edge.

Well,_ that_ should do it.

She slapped her hand to her forehead, exasperated. "Please don't tell me you are the one walking me down the aisle."  
He grinned, as usual, enjoying her reaction. "Aww..don't hurt my feelings, Mayu-chan. Who better to give you off than your ex-boyfriend? It would still be the least twisted ceremonies Sohma clan has attended."  
She laughed, inspite of herself. It was her wedding day. Even Shigure couldn't do much to irritate her.  
His expression changed in response to her laughter, and his head cocked to the side. "Your father would be here in a minute. Will you dance with me until then?"  
He extended his hand.  
She hesitated. "There is no music."  
A shadow of his old smirk crossed his face. "Surely, you are more creative than that, Mayu-chan?"  
For reasons she couldn't quite explain to herself, she took his hand quietly without looking at him. He held her waist. Her veil brushed his cheek.  
"Wouldn't your wife be jealous?" They were revolving around the same spot, avoiding the hair pins and satin strewn across the floor.  
His voice was playful against her ear. "Is my wife the problem? Or Ha-san? I have been curious, is he possessive?"  
"Ripples on water, aren't you?" she whispered.  
"My wife is a child in many ways.. so.." he trailed off.  
"You are as cold as ever." she was smiling.  
"An unchanging reality." He was smiling too. An uncharacteristically gentle smile.

She closed her eyes, she could hear him breathe against her skin, and it was the most intimate she ever felt with Shigure.

He kissed her on her cheek before he let go. "Good luck, Mayuko."  
She smiled at him, feeling a strange affection she didn't know she had for him. "Thank you."  
Shigure walked out of the door as she went to the mirror to adjust her veil. The flower in her hair was missing.

* * *

He was holding Akito's hand as they all watched Mayuko and Hatori run to their car, holding hands, laughing, seemingly astonished by how happy they are. Akito looked at him and asked, abruptly "Have you slept with her?"  
He looked at his wife, who looked much more child like and vulnerable when she asked him that. She was looking at his face, as if she saw something she didn't quite expect to see.  
"I think about you and only you.."He took the flower out of his pocket and handed it to her, "And that_ is_ the irrevocable truth."

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As Mayuko dragged the train of her gown into the car, she saw, among the hooting and clapping Sohma clan, Shigure with his wife, the head of the clan Akito, who was wearing a _very_ familiar flower in her hair. She caught Shigure's eye. He winked. She raised her middle finger before she closed the door.

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_this was a hard chapter to write because I wanted the characters to be little looser versions of themselves since this happens after the epilogue. Their curse is gone, and it is fresh beginning, there is no more cycle of sadness, resentment and isolation. Yet, i did not want them to sound too different and still be inherently who they initially were. :) i hope that comes across._

_read and review._


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